I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. My body deserves love. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. 73. 13. Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth., 9. Whatever I do, I will do it for fun, but with dedication and focus. 269. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried., 136. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. I dont suffer from insanity. 35. Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up. When life closes a door, just open it again. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. I am intelligent. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. Read next: 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset, Posted on Published: January 26, 2023- Last updated: January 27, 2023, Home 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, Fabulous List Of 120 Cute Names To Call Your Crush, 120 Follow Your Dreams Quotes To Keep You On The Track. 97. 132. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. I attract the right people and repel the wrong ones. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on. - Roy T. Bennett. Im thinking like a proton, always positive., 9. 205. Dear Monday, my mama doesn't like you and she likes everyone. The only power you have is the word no. I am Ananya, a professional speaker and I love motivating people and inspiring them to pursue their dreams. Franklin Jones You never run out of things that can go wrong. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. Look, youre smiling! 4. I have a lot to offer. 17. All rights reserved. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up., 14. You have to go after it with a club. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. 24. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. 153. 227. Bill Murray, 260. It changes your perception and these short positive affirmations have a way of changing the way you look at yourself and feel more confident. But you can always be immature. 265. 7. Bill Murray Ann Landers, 244. I am so worthy so that I am filling the life of people with fun and joy. Those who snore always fall asleep first. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. Ive made it from the bed to the couch. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. Im not lazy, Im just very relaxed. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. Everyone brings happiness to this office. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. 190. 8. 101. 31. 23. I will be the type of person I would like my children to become. And no, that's definitely not a bad thing! Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? 274. 34. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor., 4. 3. 21. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Allow your body to absorb the positivity of your words by repeating them to yourself. 44. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. I dont need validation from others to know Im killing it. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. 173. Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. Today is a great day. 210. Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Just like every Monday does on Earth. 96. Robert A. Heinlein I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. I wish my wallet came with free refills. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. I tell you what always catches my eye. I can always think of something funny to say. Happiness is a choice. If only common sense were more common. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. 87. I draw from my inner strength and light. 73. Dont let anything or anyone stop you from achieving what you truly aspire. 86. Run. 8. Even on my worst days, turning on some stand up immediately puts me in a better mood. I am at peace with my body and accept it as it is. My mistakes dont define me. My sense of humor makes the world a better place., 8. Best friends eat your food. We all need a little energy boost here and there. The thing is, Im still getting ready. Then you stand in front of the mirror, take a deep breath in, open your mouthwait, this is funny. 226. As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. Betty Reese, 9. 143. 152. Infographic: Why Do People Swipe Right (or Left) on Tinder. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. 150. 161. Im amusing and make the people around me happy. Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? These affirmations will help you to combat the lies of the enemy in every aspect of your life. Its okay if people dont like me. I would have appreciated exams if they had allowed our Pokemons and Ninjas. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. I ve had great success using daily affirmations for my personal development. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? I stick to things until I get to my destination. It has nothing new to tell you. Funny Positive Affirmations For Work. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me., 8. 1. Pat Sajak, 41. Let me gather my thoughts and crush this Monday., 15. You may think youll never get over it, but you will, and youll be fine., 7. You can write them on sticky notes to set on your mirror, on the notes app in your phone for on-the-go encouragement, or you can simply memorize your favorites and recite . Groucho Marx. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. Give your body time to absorb the positivity and let go of negative thoughts. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? You try again, but no sound is coming out. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. 160. Can February march? I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. 129. 270. Youre basically a houseplant with complicated emotions., 11. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. 27. 229. Decomposing. Send me the link. 212. My jokes do. I am wise enough to make the same mistake again!, 8. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. I enjoy every minute of it. You can think about your affirmations at work, while driving, when you practice yoga, and when you spend time with your . Start your day on a positive and lighter note with these funny daily affirmations and quotes to get you through. Consider what you want to accomplish using these witty affirmations, and go for the ones that will bring you closer to that goal. Steven Alexander Wright 89. Learn sign language, its very handy. Subscribe To Our Newsletter! 89. 212. 77. I'm a peli-can! I didnt fall, Im just spending some quality time with the floor. How do you count cows? 200. 22. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. 6. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. Sincerely, yourself. Not only can laughter improve our problem-solving skills, but it can also help battle various diseases. 60. I get it nowIm single because Im a superhero., See also: 140 Single Quotes For Instagram Celebrating Single Life. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? Envelope. 18. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. 110. 26. 271. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. Envelope. Self-worth has nothing to do with clothing size. Albert King. If you just want to keep reading, then heres some affirmations about the funny side of friendship. 266. Love your enemies. 102. 27. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. 2. Stay focused and consistent, and youll start noticing the healing powers of humor and fun. A backbone. 144. 1. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way., See also: 120 Best Spiritual Universe Quotes To Contemplate Life. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. So life is not always "All The Way Up", I guess. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me., 12. 26. 121. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. When they go away, its a brighter day. The following is the list of some humorous affirmations for you: I am doing all the amazing things because I am an amazing human being. Take a dose of encouragement from your positive affirmations whenever youre feeling down. The rest are too expensive. Sometimes the M is silent. Im like a postage stamp. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. 11. It has nothing new to tell you. 168. 120. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. 279. I personally love watching masters of comedy captivate audiences with their dark humor and crafty punchlines. When I grow up to be a parent, my children will think the same about me. Bill Murray 147. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. 6. Wonderwoman: single. Rather, the goal is to help kids recognize the truth, in situations and in themselves. When and How to Let Them Know, How To Cheer Yourself Up When Feeling Down, 5 Things To Discuss With Your Partner Before Marriage, Funny Positive Affirmations For Self-Esteem, 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams, 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. 156. - TS Eliot. Being funny increase people's tendency to connect with you and talk to you. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. These little phrases can be said aloud or written down anywhere to remind yourself that everything will turn out okay. I am passing all the things and hardships with a smile. 100 Funny Christmas Quotes. Education cost money. 181. 202. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. "Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.". 5. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. I am happy and joyful. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full. The thing is, I am still getting ready. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? So far, so good. 10. 157. A wishbone. 276. 1. Dont worry about those who talk behind your back, theyre behind you for a reason., See also: The Best List Of 130 People Talk Behind Your Back Quotes. Please do your own research before making any online purchase. 178. I love my job only when Im on vacation. What do computers eat for a snack? Boost your ego and narcissism in as little as 5 minutes per day and set yourself up for success. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. I am intelligent. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. Dave Barry 62. Bill Murray, 257. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. 4. Albert Einstein Its a door, thats how they work. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? 45. People who talk behind my back are getting a great view. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. 49. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. Nobody is listening, but you still feel embarrassed. I love living in my unique female body. Ben Hogan. I thought you said extra fries. A backbone. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes. 207. Funny Wednesday Work Quotes. I didnt want to interrupt her. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, all life for happiness. The best things in life are free. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from the inside., 11. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Never ask a starfish for directions. 149. Affirmations for wealth can be a great way of getting your thoughts in order and creating a positive outlook. My liver still works. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? I celebrate the highs, learn from the lows and now I release it into the past. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. 117. 135. I have a healthy body, tranquil mind and a vibrant soul. Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat., 6. 1. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. 218. 171. 168. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. Today I will embrace the poop. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. Read the first word again. 222. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. 159. Positive affirmations aren't about tricking kids into mentally looking at life with eyes that only see what they want to see. Check out our funny affirmation selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. 81. I feel great. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. 79. I want to afford them., 2. Today, I acknowledge the time I have spent over the week. I focus on breathing and grounding myself. 175. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. Its scary when it disappears. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well., 13. 1. We all have different and distinctive senses of humor thats what makes us such unique individuals. 116. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today., 12. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. It gets toad away. Bill Gates. Not sure who to credit this meme to, but kudos. 9. Positive mindset affirmations. Pat Sajak Given below are some short quotes to tickle your funny bone. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks., 3. Positive Daily Affirmations for Women. In between, I am alive. I am full of vitality. Excuse me while I go on a ride on the porcelain steamer. Still, you need to embrace each of these surprises with same positive conviction and appreciation. I often wish I was someone else Just so I could hang around with someone as awesome as me. Ill keep going forward even if my pants tear off. Emphasis on the cool. All you need is love. "Who you are inside is what helps you make and do everything in life". Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. "In life only one thing is certain, Friday will come.". 5. Why did the school kids eat their homework? 268. "It's only WednesdayHang in there!". - Kyle Chandler. If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 -9 years, you can believe in yourself for at least 5 minutes. I am strong and getting stronger every day. Paul Ehrlich, 241. 79. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours., 6. - Jeffrey Gitomer. ". All you need is love. 131. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. 19. We need to hear a pin drop. Charles M. Schulz But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. You might undoubtedly relate with them, and yet you will not feel laid back because of your weaknesses. 16. Laughter also has a social aspect, as its the perfect way to bond with people. If youre just starting your affirmation journey, you might feel skeptical at first. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. Cindy from Marzahn. And a funny bone., 10. - Irish Saying. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me., 14. Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me. 28. Make it inspiring. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. My funny vibes attract my happy tribe. I feed my spirit. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. We need to hear a pin drop. I hope you enjoyed this article on funny affirmations! 219. I am here to live to the fullest. It may feel useless but just get into it. 192. 230. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please., 4. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. Every day, read them aloud for the best results. 75. 130. I am already great, and I am yet to reach my full potential. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. As long as I have best friends as weird as me, I have everything., 10. 22. I release all shame about my body. They planet. Life does a pretty good job of keeping us stressed and worried, we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. No, but April may. 158. Leave me a if you agree! Whats the best thing about Switzerland? To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. 85. Swimming trunks. 228. 224. 184. Because if you can put a smile on your face with a little humor, I guarantee that youll feel some weight come off your shoulders.f. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. 141. Sam Levenson. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. It just plain forms. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. I am not letting an episode of my life ruin the entire show. - Benjamin Franklin. Wilson Mizner, 262. Microchips. "Disconnect to connect.". When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart., 4. 171. 174. 40 Apology Paragraph For Her To Say Im Sorry, 80 Cute Relationship Quotes For Sweet Couples In Love, 50 Doubt In Relationship Quotes To Rebuild Trust, 75 Sad Broken Relationship Quotes To Fix Your Heartbreak, 70 Relationship Honesty Quotes On Love, Trust & Loyalty, 80 Relationship Sorry Quotes To Apologize To Your Love, 65 Disney Quotes About Family That Will Warm Your Heart, 90 Best Shrek Quotes From The Funny Ogre Movie, 80 Blended Family Quotes To Share With Your Loved Ones, 90 Female Fitness Quotes For Women Who Workout. I get up, dress up, and show up. Funny affirmations for self-esteem are one way you can boost your mood in just minutes! "You're in mint condition for a vintage model. 2. 62. 33. 144. Enjoy! I am grateful for that time. Short people with an umbrella. Ken Dodd 28. 85. Im gonna be worse., 12. 7. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. Positive affirmations are a longstanding practice for those of us who need a little extra daily encouragement, and the best part isthey're free and they're flexible! Let us know which of these motivational affirmations inspired you the most. Daily affirmation: your hair is so much better than it was in middle school., 2. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. I walk in the direction of what feels good for my soul. 142. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. When nothing is going right, go left. 225. HAM AND EGGS A days work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig. Sometimes these surprises are way too spectacular and sometimes way too tragic. Robert A. Heinlein, 243. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. But sometimes affirmations may not work. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Oscar Wilde, 5. 186. - Donald Trump. Yeah, so is a grenade. Some when they enter, some when they leave. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. No one can make me feel my jokes are bad. Here are the 200 best sarcastic quotes, from funny comments, sayings, and phrases dripping with snarky sarcasm. Absorb these 41 positive quotes and positive affirmations and start feeling positive now! Heres a list of important things to consider: Choosing the perfect affirmation from our list isnt much different. 127. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. I can always be fatter. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. 3. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. Breasts dont have eyes. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. I am on a seafood diet. 93. The best way for me to appreciate my job is to imagine myself without one. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. Short Funny Affirmations. 269. 58. I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. avoid carbs. I am naturally cool, calm, and collected. Find a short calm and peaceful moment in your day and use it for setting your mindset up for happiness. Alright, get in the basket. I am changing all my useless things into something productive by working on them. Similar to how it's important to minimize distractions in the workplace, you need a few minutes of peace to focus and mindfully say your affirmations. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. 233. Billy Wilder. 252. You were too lazy to read that number. Think about all the things you're struggling with in your life. 257. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. 103. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. 181. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. Use this space for describing your block. 221. Henny Youngman Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. A wishbone. 191. They shape our present and have an impact on our future. I make the right choices every time. Your values become your destiny. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. Not everyone has good taste., 3. 46. Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. Effective pushing often involves poop. How do trees access the internet? You cant have everything, where would you put it? 39 funny positive affirmations. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? 238. Over time, when you use these affirmations, your mind begins to equate new words with weight loss. ". 270. Affirmations can either be written down, spoken out loud, or visualized in the form of a conversation between money and you. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. - Bob Hope. My funny vibes attract my funny tribe., 3. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. Lily Tomlin, 242. 237. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. If you enjoyed reading these funny positive affirmations, make sure to bookmark this page for future reference, and share your favorite affirmations with your friends and family. Laughter can help you see the humor in otherwise grim situations. Positive music, resilience, inner strength and a growth mindset lead to success!.
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